The older I get the more sentimental I become. I find Gods presence in many places I would have never discovered or dare even try.
I remember a time where I had to preform prayer in a particular way so that God would hear my petitions. I would beg and plead to my divine lover for answer, hope, and the answer to an exam I had forgot.
While in seminary I discovered a spirituality that is deeper than I could have imagined. This is mainly due to the fact that I released the intention of possessing God in bite-size pieces to consume when in danger. Essentially, I worshipped God as a commodity. When in danger break glass eat the Body and go about your day. Now, I converse with God. I long for God. I ask different questions all together of God.
I dare say I am maturing but I suspect that it what is happening. I flood the pages of my mind with ways to draw closer to God. I hunger madly for a time where the divine curtain of reality is pulled away and there I am, eyes shielded from the glory of the Lord.
I laugh…as I witness God present in so many things, people, and places here in my life, in these days. I witness God in the sunrise as I look out at the sun rising over the interstate from the large windows of the downtown Y. I smile as I see the Godly play of children. I am content when I see kindness, joy, and compassion in the eyes of strangers and share a little conversation. I am delighted to bear God in those split second moments where God is truly dwelling in those thin places. Those moments where God seems to inhabit the space around me in ways that reveal my “true self.” I remember the good times and the bad, here and there and relish the fact that I am still here. I gaze upon the blessed future that holds her and I together. Giddy like a child I tear in response to the God bearing soul that has been placed in our chests. I see God everywhere. In my favorite Psalm 139 [maybe overdone, but there is great purpose behind these words]
“O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD…Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence…For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb…I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well…All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be…How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.“
I witness the tender longing of God to the beloved cretures. The space between divine and profane melts away into an intimacy reserved for lovers. My favorite poet is Pablo Neruda. He wrote a poem that exemplifies this relationship I speak of. The poem is Sonnet XVII from 100 Love Sonnets.
I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.
I see Gods beauty present in these words. As present as I witness the beauty of scripture. Let this poem be my prayer today. My prayer as I long for an intimate God, ever present, transforming the ugliness of this world to the beauty of the Kingdom. May I, we, us be a part of the return to the beautiful Kingdom. That place where as we fall asleep it is Gods eyes that close.